Private Wedding Vows vs Shared Vows: How to Choose What Feels Right

Planning your wedding day comes with so many meaningful decisions, and one that’s becoming more personal than ever is how you want to share your promises. Choosing between private wedding vows and shared vows doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. In fact, it can be one of the most intentional parts of your entire experience.

As a photographer who’s spent years documenting intimate weddings and elopements, I’ve seen just how powerful private wedding vows can be. There’s something really grounding about stepping away from it all and sharing a moment that’s just yours.

Hi, I’m Brittany! I photograph intimate weddings and elopements across the Canadian Rockies and around the world. I’m here to help you create a wedding day that feels effortless, meaningful, and fully aligned with who you are as a couple.

If you’re dreaming about a wedding that feels personal, emotional, and true to your story, I’d love to help you plan it. You can reach out here, or come hang out with me on Instagram for real stories and behind the scenes moments.

Let’s walk through private wedding vows, shared vows, and how to choose what feels right for you.

Couple exchanging private wedding vows on a mountain cliff overlooking a vast scenic landscape

What Are Private Wedding Vows and Why Couples Are Choosing Them

Private wedding vows are exactly what they sound like. Instead of reading your vows during the ceremony in front of guests, you share them in a quiet, intimate moment with just the two of you.

More couples are leaning into private wedding vows because they create space to be fully present. There’s no pressure, no audience, and no need to filter your words.

With private wedding vows, you can:

Speak freely and honestly
Take your time without feeling rushed
Let emotions come naturally
Create a moment that feels completely yours

It shifts your vows from something performative into something deeply personal.

Not sure what Banff elopement packages actually include or how to choose the right one? I walk you through everything so you can feel confident in what to expect and find the best fit for your day. Read the blog here!

The Emotional Difference Between Private Wedding Vows and Shared Vows

Both options are meaningful, but they feel very different. Shared vows are beautiful because they allow your loved ones to witness your promises. There’s something powerful about saying those words out loud in front of the people who support you.

Private wedding vows, on the other hand, tend to feel more vulnerable. Without an audience, couples often open up in ways they wouldn’t otherwise. It becomes less about speaking and more about connecting. Neither is better than the other. It really comes down to how you want to experience that moment.

Some couples want that shared emotional energy, while others want something quieter and more intimate.

Couple holding hands and smiling at each other during a sunset engagement session in the mountains

You Don’t Have to Choose Just One

Here’s something a lot of couples don’t realize. You don’t have to pick between private wedding vows and shared vows. You can absolutely have both.

A lot of couples choose to:

Share short, intentional vows during the ceremony
Save their deeper, more personal words for private wedding vows

This approach gives you the best of both worlds. You get to include your guests in your ceremony while still creating a space that’s just for you. It also takes the pressure off. You don’t have to fit everything into one moment.

Wondering how to incorporate cultural wedding traditions into your elopement without losing that personal touch? I walk you through ways to honour your background while staying true to your story. Read the blog here!

How to Create Space for Private Wedding Vows During Your Day

One of the most important parts of planning private wedding vows is being intentional about when and where they happen. This isn’t something you want to squeeze into a tight timeline. It deserves space.

Some of my favorite ways to build in private wedding vows:

A quiet first look before the ceremony
A secluded spot after your ceremony
Sunrise or sunset in a meaningful location
A peaceful moment away from guests during the day

The key is choosing a place where you feel comfortable and uninterrupted. When you give yourselves that space, everything slows down. You’re not thinking about what’s next. You’re just there, together.

Curious about what’s included in my intimate wedding packages and what the experience actually feels like? I walk you through everything so you can plan with confidence and know exactly what to expect. Read more here!

Bride reading private wedding vows during an emotional outdoor ceremony by a lake with mountains in the background

Tips for Writing Private Vows That Feel Honest

Writing private wedding vows can feel intimidating at first, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Start simple. Think about your relationship and what you truly want to say, not what you think you should say.

A few helpful tips:

Write like you speak, keep it natural
Focus on specific memories or moments
Don’t worry about making it perfect
Let it be emotional if that’s how you feel
Keep it meaningful rather than long

Your vows are for the two of you. That alone takes away a lot of pressure.

What to Do If You Feel Nervous or Emotional

It’s completely normal to feel nervous about reading your vows, especially if you know you’ll get emotional. Private vows can actually make this easier.

Without a crowd, you can:

Pause when you need to
Laugh or cry without feeling self conscious
Take your time with your words

If you’re still feeling nervous, you can always write your vows in a letter and read them quietly to each other. There’s no right way to do it. What matters is that it feels comfortable for you.

Planning an elopement for the second time and not sure where to start? I’m sharing how to let go of expectations and create a day that reflects your story, your growth, and this new chapter. Read the blog here!

A Photographer’s Perspective on Private Wedding Vows

From a photographer’s perspective, private vows are some of the most emotional moments of the entire day. They’re raw, unfiltered, and deeply real.

When couples choose private wedding vows, I’m able to document genuine connection instead of posed emotion. The way you look at each other, the pauses, the small reactions, those are the moments that tell your story. Shared vows are beautiful too, but they carry a different kind of energy. They’re more structured and often a bit more reserved.

Having both allows your gallery to reflect the full depth of your experience.

Bride and groom standing outside a small black chapel in a scenic countryside setting

Creating a Wedding Day That Feels Like You

At the end of the day, there’s no one way to do this. Private vows, shared vows, or a combination of both, it all comes down to what feels right for your relationship.

If you’re dreaming about a wedding day that feels intentional, emotional, and truly your own, I’d love to help you bring it to life. You can learn more about me, explore my packages, or reach out directly to start planning. And if you want to see what these kinds of experiences actually look like in real life, come join me on Instagram.

Your wedding day isn’t just about timing, it’s about creating space for moments that feel real, present, and completely yours.